One of the most common divorce questions expressed at the onset of separation or divorce is the matter of lost dreams. All couples have set some goals or dreams that they are striving to achieve in their future.
The purchase of a cabin in the woods may now seem impossible as finances have been stretched with the need to run two households instead of one.
My special friend, Karen, shared with me the following poem regarding this very subject.
Welcome to Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability—to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this …
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation—to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans–the Coliseum. the Michelangelo David, gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland!” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy!”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place. It’s just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around … and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills … and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy … and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go.”
The pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, lovely things … about Holland.
Thanks Karen for sharing this marvelous insight into life.