Drowning Taken from Drowning-iStock, Bing Images

Every week I get several calls from persons whose partners have chosen to leave them. Upon asking the details there is usually a lot of confusion regarding why the partners would choose to leave or blaming the partners for leaving. If this thinking has gone on for several months, I can be sure that these folks are “stuck” in the healing process. Scriptures are so full of stories (parables) that Jesus used to illustrate lessons for us. God brought this one to me.

The Pool:

A couple had been out for a walk and came upon a swimming pool. They were all dressed up for their stroll wearing new shoes, fancy clothes and costly hairdos.

Without warning, the one spouse pushed the other one into the pool and then left. The pool was dirty, cold, and the ladders removed as it was off season. Once in the pool, the victim does not have time to think about his/her clothing or if dress shoes will sustain the pool.  The hairdo which provided a great appearance is no longer relevant.  In fact, nothing prior to falling into the pool is important.  There isn’t even time or energy to wonder why the partner would do this.  Instead a remedy for survival must become the priority before drowning or freezing occurs. One of the first actions is to assess the situation as quickly as possible, striving to stabilize oneself as much as possible. This would probably mean getting to the least stressful part of the pool or the shallowest end. This is important as you do not want to waste necessary energy struggling with overhead waters or barriers that do not need to be fought.

Next, I would hope that one would realize that a rescuer is needed. Christians should be wise enough to know that is the role of our Savior.

I use to lifeguard and there were two things that were important when helping someone in distress. I always asked the swimmer to stand up erect in the water where they were. Since I knew the area, I was certain that the majority of persons could touch bottom and just walk out. Our Savior will ask us to put feet to our problem and do the work to improve the situation.


If I had to go in for the swimmer and he/she grabbed me around my neck, I had training on how to kick him/her away from me so that I would not be choked as we would both go under. I had to let the person know that I had to be in charge and he had to trust me to get him into shallow water. Our Savior does the same thing. He will let us struggle as long as we continue to manipulate the situation for our own control. You let go and trust Him, and then He provides rescue.

The point is, nothing about the partner’s behavior prior to being in the pool is relevant at this time. The same is true about divorce recovery.  Spending time and thought about partner’s prior pool (separation or divorce) motives, etc, does not get you out of the pool.  God sees you in the present and that is where He wants to help you. He’s not going to say, stay in the pool and let’s discuss why someone hurt you, or didn’t come back. He wants to discuss “what are we going to do about where you are right now in order to get out of this messy pool. (Now, you may choose to stay in the pool forever.  Not comfortable but at least you know where you are and you might get attention from some who feels sorry for your predicament.) Or you can allow your Savior to help you get out of the pool. You can take a shower, cast off the pool smells and put on fresh clothes and look forward to a better day.

If you find yourself “stuck”, ask yourself the question, “Are my thoughts devoted to “pre-pool days” or “getting out of the pool”? Paul said to put away old things and “press on” to God’s high calling. Your thoughts must not be on what someone did to you but what God can do for you. Live in the present as God works in the present.